I am writing this on Tuesday, 26th of February 2019. I am in Sydney and it is close to midnight. My wonderful wife and kids are sleeping. I am not.
I was on my way to work this morning and my mind went totally blank. I didn’t know where I was, who I was and where I was going. I was just scared. This lasted for 5min and then I realised I was scared of going to work.
I went back home and since then have been in bed. Doing nothing. I was actually sleeping like a baby. I felt relieved that I had finally given up. I lied to my wife that I didn’t feel well. She didn’t believe me but left me alone and took care of the kids.
I am typing this while she is lying next to me in bed. I am crying while I type this. I have been crying a lot over the last 12 months.
Not exactly sure what to do. I managed to send a long email to my employer and actually told them what happened because I didn’t feel like pulling another sickie, something I have done over the last few months a lot.